::insert philosophical phrase here::

Silence is Golden Sprayed Uranium

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 00:02:12 GMT

I have come to the realization

That I am a horribly negative person, when it comes to my own life

I don't know why this has started

And I wish I didn't have reason to be

But I'm still not sure if I do

I feel so. . . just, horrible these days

I don't know how to react to anything anymore.

So, yeah. I had t o write a full film script for Comm Tech. Its probably too cheesy, and people will hate it. (I suck at writing). I wrote an introduction sort of monologue type thing. Here it is. Have any advise on how to make it sound better or whatever?

The sole purpose of human existence is power. Never try to convince yourself otherwise. Many have tried, all have failed. The philosophers, the theorists, the idealistic youth of the nations and all the God present religions are dead. Weather over your offspring, your spouse, the people around you, or entire nations, all anybody cares about anymore is power. Coupled into a world with unrestricted scientific and technological advancements, the capability to incinerate, decimate, liquefy, and destroy any percentage of humanity became a nightmare of a reality. With the possibility of instant apocalypse at humanities doorstep, it was decided that the pursuers of these weapons must somehow be prevented from using them. It turns out that knowledge isn't the real source of power. Fear is. Instead of attempting to prevent these countless weapons from being distributed, the market is being flooded with them, until every notable being with a desire for power has one. If there is one thing that anyone in power fears, it's the fear of retaliation.

Sharpen your tongue~~Henry

Confusion Analysis;

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 12:50:36 GMT

People often wonder how I can have such low self esteem, and yet, at the same time, be incredibly confident.

Well, I'ma gonna tell you.

See, my confidence comes with the fact that I truly honestly believe that if there is a problem, I will know how to solve it. I will know what people have to do to fix the problem, to do the right thing, make the world a good place, etc.

My low self esteem, however, is from the fact that due to past experience, it seems as if that knowledge can't be applied to my life. It works for other people, not me. In essence, I suck too much to be able to do what I know is right. I always screw up somehow.

So, a long time ago, I told myself that even though I can't help myself, if I ever run into somebody that might need help, I'd do my best to teach them what to do. Since it doesn't help me, it should help others.

And I tried.

However, last night, I hit a bump in the road.

Due to an experience, I'm now convinced that I really don't know what's best for people, and the right thing to do, because people don't see things in the eyes above the world way I see them. Which means that not only do my ideas not work for me, it turns out they really don't work for anyone else either.

So now I am completely lost and empty.

Welcome to "Henry: Devoid of Purpose"

Sharpen your tongue:

A sojourn through time gave dark inspiration to one gifted young mind

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 02:17:47 GMT

I think I have a hero complex. It's kindof weird really, I always want to try and save people from something, but either I suck too much to be there when people need me, or they always manage to end up saving themselves, and I feel even more useless.

School is insane. I'm goin nuts. I miss summer, kindof.

I want to grow up and leave this place.

That's all I can think of for now.

I suppose I'll give further insight later.

If it strikes me as pertinent.

Which most things do.

his way or no way, totalatarian

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 22:02:39 GMT

Okay, so I've totally got a rather workful Grade 12 first semester.

Chem; Calculus; Geometry and Discreet; And Comm Tech

So I'm gonna be driving myself insane.

So, I totally walked into Comm Tech today, thinking that nobody wanted to do a collaboration uber big picture anymore.

And then everyone starts asking me what we were doing.

However, my old idea can't be done due to lack of equipment.

So, I need help thinking of a new idea. I think I have a pretty good one, but I'd like input before I decide. Here are the specs:

The people I've got workin on it with me:

(The 1337 Crew)

Amanda: 3d Animation Artist/Photographer
Marco: " "/2d Flash Animator
Stephen: 2d Flash Animator/Artist
Bret: Photoshop Artist
Gordon: Photoshop Artist
Matt: Editor/Photoshop Artist
Brad: Actor

(All these people can also act and do Stop Motion Animation)

There's also additional people who might join in later with various talents.

The Techy Implements: (To be shared with 27 Students)

2 Editing Sweets
4 3d animation/sound mixing Setups
2 Photoshop Computers
10 Photoshop/Flash Computers
3 Cameras

So, we can't use TOO much of that stuff, seeing as other people need stuff to do.

I want to do something that these people will like to do in grade 12, is still up to School standards, looks professional, and is fun. I want to include every possible bit of media available in that class, and I want it to be the best thing ever.

Suggestions people?

we fly so close to the sun;

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 01:56:52 GMT

I've just realized that in a year and a half, I will be putting my life completely on hold, for 2 years. I'm dreadfully excited/worried. I'm still looking for a goal in life.

Though I am feeling better.

It's nice to feel like a normal person again, I suppose.

At least, I think?

For now at least.

Hate me today; Hate me tommorow;

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 22:52:50 GMT

Today the world turned upside down.

Sorry, no.

Inside Out.

I could only lie down and wait for the worst.

And as we sat there;

Having our "last kiss"

All I could see, was every moment we had ever spent together, flash before my eyes, almost as if I was dieing;

And then when I brought it into the open, saying;

"You know if you leave now, you'll probably never come back. . . "

"I know."

I then rode next to her, halfway back to her house, till we reached the point where our paths diverged.

We said goodbye.

And I rode off. . . . As fast and hard as I could, off into the sun.

I'm back home now.

My heart is still riding.

(Please let me be wrong. . . )

Doesn't feel like we could ever come undone;

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 07:45:25 GMT

I'm not sure what to make of this.

I feel torn.

It's depressing. . .

I thought I was done with this feeling.

Then again, I'm not really. . . losing, right?

This could only be for the better.

I'm probably going to be horribly irritable for the next. . . very long while. If you have to deal with me, I apologize in advance. My lack of involvement will drive me to new heights of anger.

I just. . .

I don't want it to end like this,

But I feel like it will.

And I'm usually right.

Please let me be wrong. . .

A healthy Note of Return

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 07:56:51 GMT

I feel miserable.

So, I post it on Livejournal.

What a note to come back on.

I don't know.

It would seem the intrinsic negativity of humanity is bringing me down.

Maybe I should stop taking it with such good nature.

Maybe everyone should just die.

I don't care if I care about being nice or not anymore.

People just don't deserve it.

ANd it can't just be a bad day, because it's always happened. Only it's just started getting to me.

Idiots and morons, the lot of them.

Trans-repetitions

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 02:01:29 GMT

I haven't updated in a while.

Life is going splendid.

Guild Wars is t3h shmecks.

I'm becoming a better person.

Super Man Sucks.

But the movie rocks.

The more I watch movies, the more I desperately want to make them.

I MUST START TAPING!

High ho silver, and awaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

None

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 06:45:18 GMT

Why do I feel so empty and alone?

It's you and me; connected to a satellite

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 01:14:59 GMT

Raaaaaaarg, I was supposed to have plans tonight. But they bailed.

I've realized the reason I hate it when this happens is because whenever I don't go out on weekends, my parents spend the entire time making it the worst time ever. Like trying to get me to fix the computer when there's nothing wrong with it. (Insert hours of argument)

Ah well.

I'm worrying about people again. Must stop.

It's almost summeeeeeeeer.

I want to shoot movies. Now.

Muffin!

Emotional Drought

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 10:48:04 GMT

I have decided that for some reason, I'm a complete worry wort. I always imagine the most horrible things happening to those I care about, and then worry like mad. I don't know why, maybe I'm afraid to lose them? Is this a good thing?

BWuahaha, I'm siiiiiiiiiick =\

I don't know how, I'm supposed to have, like, the immune system of friggin Superman.

I don't like this at all, it's almost summeeeeeeeeer, plus I have exams to write =\

However, I've also decided that I really like creeks.

*nods knowingly*

Calamity!

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 19:00:10 GMT

Alas, I think this english project has caused me to spend too much time around my computer.

Last night I put my hand on it, and since it's been running non stop for days, it was really hot, and I don't know why but the thought came to my head "Aw, poor baby, you're not feeling good, I wish I could turn you off and give you a rest"

And then today, when I went to turn it on I thought "Hey there, I'm back!"

What the heck <(-_-')>

At least it's over. Five more minutes of talking tommorow, and then I'm DONE.

And the fun begins ^^

Heaven Forbid You End Up Alone

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 23:50:43 GMT

School is almost over. I'm almost done my final project. I'm so close to having freedom with people I love. I shall enjoy this greatly.

I skipped school today to work on an english ISU. Its a study on Marvel Comics, so I sat at home watching movies all day. It was fun, but now it's late, I'm not done, and I'm tired. Ah well, it was worth it.

I always get jealous of people whenever they start telling me the cool stories of fun they had. I don't know why, I don't want to be jealous, and I'm happy for them, but the feeling keeps coming.

I think I'll work on that part of me next, seeing as my fret about everyone no matter what attitude is now under check.

I hope I can actually get people to act for me this summer.

Tell me; over and over and over again;

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 11:35:08 GMT

I've decided I have a large problem with being jealous, and always wanting things my way.

In a sad, distorted way, I'm kindof like my dad.

Great, now my very existence is a contradiction.

I've also decided I'm going to be late for work.

Turrah!

I could never let you know how much this means;

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 02:00:51 GMT

Well, that went better than planned. My father couldn't get the computer working again, and I did, so they're finally acknowledging that I may know something.

So yeah, back to our regular broadcast:

I'm happy!

^^

Masquerade tommorow. Tis going to be fun.

I'm actually enjoying my english project (It's on Marvel, I get to put together movie clips!)

Me and Tommy are working on the coolest friggin program ever.

It's almost Summer, which means:

Endless spare time with people, filming movies, webcomic, and lots of other crazy stuff. Yay ^^

Well, Just thought I'd let you know ={P

So long, farewell, until we meet again.

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 00:29:39 GMT

Well, I was planning on making a post about how happy I recently had become.

Until father decided to become a freaking moron.

The computer has some adware. He says its all my fault because everyone is telling him that adware comes from downloading music. And he also says we cant fix this computer, cause I haven't got the old one working yet.

Except a) I DONT DOWNLOAD MUSIC, I BUY CD's and b) IT IS WORKING, BUT REFUSES TO TURN IT ON AND SEE

So, he still continues to blame me, being the adolescent child he is, and says we're reformatting the computer, and he's passwording it up, and never letting me use it again, despite the fact I need this one to finish an english project for next week, and I was supposed to work on it tonight, but he blew the entire effing night on freaking tech support, and all they managed to do was break the computer even further. . . .somehow my fault again.

So I might not be on for a while, or ever again for that matter.

I'll miss you all.

Turrah!

Fie I say, fie!

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 19:21:26 GMT

Well, we managed to win the shootoff thanks to Vlad, 3 shots, we got one in, they didn't get any.

So, we face Japan 4 again, and this time we're completely prepared.

Which is when we find out that we're playing full field instead of the usual half.

I think that was our downfall, considering the fact that they're all 6' 3" athletes, whereas we're all computer nerds. They just. . . .kept running, they had friggin eveready batteries built into them.

So yeah, we lost 2-0. Also partly cause Derek is a moron and refuses to pass.

Ah well, second out of the school isn't too bad, neh?

Ah well, there are other things that bring me happiness.

Pent up Agression

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 01:41:56 GMT

Soccer update:

That was the most intense game we've ever had. After 40 solid minutes, the score ends in 1/1 which means. . . penalty shots on monday to see which of us gets into the finals.

I highly dislike penalty shots.

See, Gordon, our goalie, can stop the craziest shots on the world. But if you get somebody standing there, just booting at him, he freezes up. Which is why my job has always been to stop those shots from happening.

Except now I can't.

I'm nervous.

I 'm also disappointed in myself.

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 06:06:45 GMT

I'm such a stupid little hypocrite.

I can't stand myself anymore.

I've been so sick of myself lately. . .

Somebody help me. . .

Please.

Happiness. . . . Is not a fish.

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 21:54:57 GMT

I really wish I could just swallow my pride sometimes, and admit when other people are right. I don't even really think about it honestly, I just. . . always assume I'm right and should get my way. But the more I think about it, the more moronic I seem. Guh, I really wish I could just. . . stop, and start caring about other people more. It's what I'm always braggin about doing, maybe I should do what I preach.

P.S. Soccer was cancelled today for some random unknown reason. Semi-Finals start tommorow, and I'm getting worried. We scouted the other team practising, and they play soccer like a freakin ballet. They dance around eeeveryone. We think we've figured out a way to handle it, but I dunno. . . . Ah well, update later.

Turrah.

Rating Hard Chinese Pots

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 03:50:59 GMT

I really wish I knew what to say more often then I actually do.

I always just feel like I'm saying random things that come to mind, and wonder how the heck that can be helpful.

P.S., my soccer team, Running with Scissots made it to the semi finals. We play the "Best team in the school", named Unbeatable Applesauce tommorow. Crapit I really want to win . . .

Good lord its midnight, and I have an entire essay to write tommorow.

G'night!

This may seem like a poor emo rant;

Mon, 29 May 2006 02:20:34 GMT

And it probably just is. However, in my mind, it's a way of letting my mind be free, and explaining to people why I think I've been acting weird, and what to expect and what not.

And even with all of that, I'm probably completely wrong anyway.

I feel morose. If my understanding of the definition of that word is correct.

But I seem rather. . . devoid of life lately. I think. . . well, I think a lot of things. I've known for a long time that, as much as I like to say that I am completely independent and whatnot, I actually have most of my personality and li. . .

(I've been horribly irrational of late)

. . . fe based on the personality and action/inaction of those around me and whatnot. I've always wanted to be the someone in peoples lives who helps them through stuff, who is a strong influence in their lifes. However, it seems other people have more of an influence on me than anything. And just because I rely on other people doesn't mean I can expect them to rely back on me. Sometimes I just feel like I'm this moronic dog sitting there, wagging my tail, looking up with puppy eyes begging for other people to desperately rely on me the way I do them. And it's stupid I suppose, but its one of those things that. . . that I'll probably never get rid of. It has conditioned me to deal well with heartbreak, however I do still get my hopes up once in a while. I think that's another one of my problems, I get my hopes up so high, that when they come inevitably crashing down, I'm morbidly crushed.

I like to think I help people, but I really don't think I do. I've never been able to tell myself that I'm good at anything, because my low self esteem would never allow it. I'd like to think that I'm doing a good job at whatever the hell I do, but I'm just not really sure. It feels to me that I'm telling people the first random thing that comes to my mind, and whenever I think I might be doing something right, I go, like, crazy because then I remember the fact that I can't ever be right. And I've never been able to take people's complements before, because they've either seemed completely ridiculous, or I feel as if some way I kindof guilted them into saying something nice. Which is why I'm dreading the next while that I'm like this, because people are going to ask "what's wrong" and im going to be like "bla bla bla" and they're all going to be "oh, but you really do help bla bla bla" but. . . .if I actually did something helpful, it wouldn't take me guilting them into thanking me, to show that, would it? would it?

I just don't know.

This'll probably all blow over by tommorow.

Clamshell Calamity

Fri, 26 May 2006 04:22:58 GMT

I feel. . . youthful.

It's amazing, I think I've finally reached the feeling I've been searching for for so long. I think I finally have the feeling of. . . just living.

Today I got together with a bunch of the guys. We had a barbecue. Then watched X2, and had some of the most interesting conversations ever.

But it happened when we were driving home.

Some of the most interesting music came on.

Float On - Modest Mouse
Apparitions - Mathew Good Band
Forget It - Breaking Benjamin

And I don't know if they're just awesome songs, or that I've heard them before at awkward points in my life, but something hit me. What it was I'm not quite sure, but the feeling was interesting. Almost as if that was one of the best feelings I had or something. And we just sat there, listenin to the music, blazin down the roads at 80km an hour, with the windows all the way down.

I think I'll have to take this all in.

I'm rather perturbed.

Paranormal Prostitutes

Sun, 21 May 2006 04:25:47 GMT

Gwah, I'm getting that weird feeling again today. The weird feeling where I feel like I don't exist or something, or I question the reason to existence. It usually signifies a large change in my future. Crapit.

I got creeped out at work today. I don't like long shifts, call me a baby or whatnot, but every so often when I'm stuck in that place for 9 hours, I just feel completely abandoned. Not cool.

I think these two events come together to help strengthen my choice to start pursuing the possibility of a future in entertainment. As a director or something. Eh, I dunno, It's a possibility.

I also think I did something to my foot during soccer. Whenever I walk a bit off, or move my foot around, I get weird lancing pains through random areas. So either I pulled a kajillion small muscles, or somehow killed the circulation. Wonderful. But I like running <(-_-')>

Ah well.

I'm happy.