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broszer
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Name: Henry Bronson Harry Lisowski III
Age: 17
D.O.B. : January 15th
Location: Canada
School: Sinclair S.S.S.
Grade: 11
Favourite: Person? They know who they are. Also, MUFFINS! <3
Hobbies: Computers, Warcraft, Nintendo, computers, video games, computers, and LYKE OMG MAGIC <3
OMG. MUFFINS. Aaaand holy batman, do you like my new layout?
My uberly awesome lady friend set it up for me.
She now knows the password I use for everything. O___O;
Version: Can't Put This Day Back
Everything on this layout was made by ___Entwined
@ Layout_Archives
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livejournal userinfo |
] |
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calendar |
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livejournal calendar |
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| Silence is Golden Sprayed Uranium |
[Sunday,
October 1st, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Frank Klepacki |
] |
I have come to the realization
That I am a horribly negative person, when it comes to my own life
I don't know why this has started
And I wish I didn't have reason to be
But I'm still not sure if I do
I feel so. . . just, horrible these days
I don't know how to react to anything anymore.
So, yeah. I had t o write a full film script for Comm Tech. Its probably too cheesy, and people will hate it. (I suck at writing). I wrote an introduction sort of monologue type thing. Here it is. Have any advise on how to make it sound better or whatever?
The sole purpose of human existence is power. Never try to convince yourself otherwise. Many have tried, all have failed. The philosophers, the theorists, the idealistic youth of the nations and all the God present religions are dead. Weather over your offspring, your spouse, the people around you, or entire nations, all anybody cares about anymore is power. Coupled into a world with unrestricted scientific and technological advancements, the capability to incinerate, decimate, liquefy, and destroy any percentage of humanity became a nightmare of a reality. With the possibility of instant apocalypse at humanities doorstep, it was decided that the pursuers of these weapons must somehow be prevented from using them. It turns out that knowledge isn't the real source of power. Fear is. Instead of attempting to prevent these countless weapons from being distributed, the market is being flooded with them, until every notable being with a desire for power has one. If there is one thing that anyone in power fears, it's the fear of retaliation.
Sharpen your tongue~~Henry
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| Confusion Analysis; |
[Saturday,
September 23rd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
morose |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Blindside - Pitiful |
] |
People often wonder how I can have such low self esteem, and yet, at the same time, be incredibly confident.
Well, I'ma gonna tell you.
See, my confidence comes with the fact that I truly honestly believe that if there is a problem, I will know how to solve it. I will know what people have to do to fix the problem, to do the right thing, make the world a good place, etc.
My low self esteem, however, is from the fact that due to past experience, it seems as if that knowledge can't be applied to my life. It works for other people, not me. In essence, I suck too much to be able to do what I know is right. I always screw up somehow.
So, a long time ago, I told myself that even though I can't help myself, if I ever run into somebody that might need help, I'd do my best to teach them what to do. Since it doesn't help me, it should help others.
And I tried.
However, last night, I hit a bump in the road.
Due to an experience, I'm now convinced that I really don't know what's best for people, and the right thing to do, because people don't see things in the eyes above the world way I see them. Which means that not only do my ideas not work for me, it turns out they really don't work for anyone else either.
So now I am completely lost and empty.
Welcome to "Henry: Devoid of Purpose"
Sharpen your tongue:
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| A sojourn through time gave dark inspiration to one gifted young mind |
[Monday,
September 11th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 distressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Augustana |
] |
I think I have a hero complex. It's kindof weird really, I always want to try and save people from something, but either I suck too much to be there when people need me, or they always manage to end up saving themselves, and I feel even more useless.
School is insane. I'm goin nuts. I miss summer, kindof.
I want to grow up and leave this place.
That's all I can think of for now.
I suppose I'll give further insight later.
If it strikes me as pertinent.
Which most things do.
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| his way or no way, totalatarian |
[Tuesday,
September 5th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mute Math |
] |
Okay, so I've totally got a rather workful Grade 12 first semester.
Chem; Calculus; Geometry and Discreet; And Comm Tech
So I'm gonna be driving myself insane.
So, I totally walked into Comm Tech today, thinking that nobody wanted to do a collaboration uber big picture anymore.
And then everyone starts asking me what we were doing.
However, my old idea can't be done due to lack of equipment.
So, I need help thinking of a new idea. I think I have a pretty good one, but I'd like input before I decide. Here are the specs:
The people I've got workin on it with me:
(The 1337 Crew)
Amanda: 3d Animation Artist/Photographer
Marco: " "/2d Flash Animator
Stephen: 2d Flash Animator/Artist
Bret: Photoshop Artist
Gordon: Photoshop Artist
Matt: Editor/Photoshop Artist
Brad: Actor
(All these people can also act and do Stop Motion Animation)
There's also additional people who might join in later with various talents.
The Techy Implements: (To be shared with 27 Students)
2 Editing Sweets
4 3d animation/sound mixing Setups
2 Photoshop Computers
10 Photoshop/Flash Computers
3 Cameras
So, we can't use TOO much of that stuff, seeing as other people need stuff to do.
I want to do something that these people will like to do in grade 12, is still up to School standards, looks professional, and is fun. I want to include every possible bit of media available in that class, and I want it to be the best thing ever.
Suggestions people?
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| we fly so close to the sun; |
[Thursday,
August 31st, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jack's Mannequin - Meet Me At My Window |
] |
I've just realized that in a year and a half, I will be putting my life completely on hold, for 2 years. I'm dreadfully excited/worried. I'm still looking for a goal in life.
Though I am feeling better.
It's nice to feel like a normal person again, I suppose.
At least, I think?
For now at least.
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| Hate me today; Hate me tommorow; |
[Thursday,
August 24th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Blue October - Hate Me Today |
] |
Today the world turned upside down.
Sorry, no.
Inside Out.
I could only lie down and wait for the worst.
And as we sat there;
Having our "last kiss"
All I could see, was every moment we had ever spent together, flash before my eyes, almost as if I was dieing;
And then when I brought it into the open, saying;
"You know if you leave now, you'll probably never come back. . . "
"I know."
I then rode next to her, halfway back to her house, till we reached the point where our paths diverged.
We said goodbye.
And I rode off. . . . As fast and hard as I could, off into the sun.
I'm back home now.
My heart is still riding.
(Please let me be wrong. . . )
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| Doesn't feel like we could ever come undone; |
[Wednesday,
August 23rd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
distressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Institute - Bullet-Proof Skin |
] |
I'm not sure what to make of this.
I feel torn.
It's depressing. . .
I thought I was done with this feeling.
Then again, I'm not really. . . losing, right?
This could only be for the better.
I'm probably going to be horribly irritable for the next. . . very long while. If you have to deal with me, I apologize in advance. My lack of involvement will drive me to new heights of anger.
I just. . .
I don't want it to end like this,
But I feel like it will.
And I'm usually right.
Please let me be wrong. . .
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| A healthy Note of Return |
[Friday,
August 4th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Three Days Grace - Riot |
] |
I feel miserable.
So, I post it on Livejournal.
What a note to come back on.
I don't know.
It would seem the intrinsic negativity of humanity is bringing me down.
Maybe I should stop taking it with such good nature.
Maybe everyone should just die.
I don't care if I care about being nice or not anymore.
People just don't deserve it.
ANd it can't just be a bad day, because it's always happened. Only it's just started getting to me.
Idiots and morons, the lot of them.
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| Trans-repetitions |
[Saturday,
July 1st, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Matthew Good Band - Weapon |
] |
I haven't updated in a while.
Life is going splendid.
Guild Wars is t3h shmecks.
I'm becoming a better person.
Super Man Sucks.
But the movie rocks.
The more I watch movies, the more I desperately want to make them.
I MUST START TAPING!
High ho silver, and awaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
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| None |
[Thursday,
June 29th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
None |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
None |
] |
Why do I feel so empty and alone?
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| It's you and me; connected to a satellite |
[Saturday,
June 24th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Athlete - Half Light |
] |
Raaaaaaarg, I was supposed to have plans tonight. But they bailed.
I've realized the reason I hate it when this happens is because whenever I don't go out on weekends, my parents spend the entire time making it the worst time ever. Like trying to get me to fix the computer when there's nothing wrong with it. (Insert hours of argument)
Ah well.
I'm worrying about people again. Must stop.
It's almost summeeeeeeeer.
I want to shoot movies. Now.
Muffin!
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| Emotional Drought |
[Tuesday,
June 20th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
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3 Doors Down |
] |
I have decided that for some reason, I'm a complete worry wort. I always imagine the most horrible things happening to those I care about, and then worry like mad. I don't know why, maybe I'm afraid to lose them? Is this a good thing?
BWuahaha, I'm siiiiiiiiiick =\
I don't know how, I'm supposed to have, like, the immune system of friggin Superman.
I don't like this at all, it's almost summeeeeeeeeer, plus I have exams to write =\
However, I've also decided that I really like creeks.
*nods knowingly*
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| Calamity! |
[Wednesday,
June 14th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Muse - Stockholm Syndrome |
] |
Alas, I think this english project has caused me to spend too much time around my computer.
Last night I put my hand on it, and since it's been running non stop for days, it was really hot, and I don't know why but the thought came to my head "Aw, poor baby, you're not feeling good, I wish I could turn you off and give you a rest"
And then today, when I went to turn it on I thought "Hey there, I'm back!"
What the heck <(-_-')>
At least it's over. Five more minutes of talking tommorow, and then I'm DONE.
And the fun begins ^^
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| Heaven Forbid You End Up Alone |
[Tuesday,
June 13th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Fray - Heaven Forbid |
] |
School is almost over. I'm almost done my final project. I'm so close to having freedom with people I love. I shall enjoy this greatly.
I skipped school today to work on an english ISU. Its a study on Marvel Comics, so I sat at home watching movies all day. It was fun, but now it's late, I'm not done, and I'm tired. Ah well, it was worth it.
I always get jealous of people whenever they start telling me the cool stories of fun they had. I don't know why, I don't want to be jealous, and I'm happy for them, but the feeling keeps coming.
I think I'll work on that part of me next, seeing as my fret about everyone no matter what attitude is now under check.
I hope I can actually get people to act for me this summer.
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| Tell me; over and over and over again; |
[Saturday,
June 10th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Meh |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Evans Blue |
] |
I've decided I have a large problem with being jealous, and always wanting things my way.
In a sad, distorted way, I'm kindof like my dad.
Great, now my very existence is a contradiction.
I've also decided I'm going to be late for work.
Turrah!
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| I could never let you know how much this means; |
[Friday,
June 9th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Evans Blue - A Cross and a Girl Named Blessed |
] |
Well, that went better than planned. My father couldn't get the computer working again, and I did, so they're finally acknowledging that I may know something.
So yeah, back to our regular broadcast:
I'm happy!
^^
Masquerade tommorow. Tis going to be fun.
I'm actually enjoying my english project (It's on Marvel, I get to put together movie clips!)
Me and Tommy are working on the coolest friggin program ever.
It's almost Summer, which means:
Endless spare time with people, filming movies, webcomic, and lots of other crazy stuff. Yay ^^
Well, Just thought I'd let you know ={P
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| So long, farewell, until we meet again. |
[Thursday,
June 8th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 RAAAAARG |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
NONE CAUSE MY DAD'S A MORON |
] |
Well, I was planning on making a post about how happy I recently had become.
Until father decided to become a freaking moron.
The computer has some adware. He says its all my fault because everyone is telling him that adware comes from downloading music. And he also says we cant fix this computer, cause I haven't got the old one working yet.
Except a) I DONT DOWNLOAD MUSIC, I BUY CD's and b) IT IS WORKING, BUT REFUSES TO TURN IT ON AND SEE
So, he still continues to blame me, being the adolescent child he is, and says we're reformatting the computer, and he's passwording it up, and never letting me use it again, despite the fact I need this one to finish an english project for next week, and I was supposed to work on it tonight, but he blew the entire effing night on freaking tech support, and all they managed to do was break the computer even further. . . .somehow my fault again.
So I might not be on for a while, or ever again for that matter.
I'll miss you all.
Turrah!
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| Fie I say, fie! |
[Monday,
June 5th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Our Lady Peace - Potato Girl |
] |
Well, we managed to win the shootoff thanks to Vlad, 3 shots, we got one in, they didn't get any.
So, we face Japan 4 again, and this time we're completely prepared.
Which is when we find out that we're playing full field instead of the usual half.
I think that was our downfall, considering the fact that they're all 6' 3" athletes, whereas we're all computer nerds. They just. . . .kept running, they had friggin eveready batteries built into them.
So yeah, we lost 2-0. Also partly cause Derek is a moron and refuses to pass.
Ah well, second out of the school isn't too bad, neh?
Ah well, there are other things that bring me happiness.
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| Pent up Agression |
[Friday,
June 2nd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nervous |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Torture Me |
] |
Soccer update:
That was the most intense game we've ever had. After 40 solid minutes, the score ends in 1/1 which means. . . penalty shots on monday to see which of us gets into the finals.
I highly dislike penalty shots.
See, Gordon, our goalie, can stop the craziest shots on the world. But if you get somebody standing there, just booting at him, he freezes up. Which is why my job has always been to stop those shots from happening.
Except now I can't.
I'm nervous.
I 'm also disappointed in myself.
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|
[Friday,
June 2nd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
numb |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
10 Years |
] |
I'm such a stupid little hypocrite.
I can't stand myself anymore.
I've been so sick of myself lately. . .
Somebody help me. . .
Please.
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| Happiness. . . . Is not a fish. |
[Thursday,
June 1st, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Our Lady Peace |
] |
I really wish I could just swallow my pride sometimes, and admit when other people are right. I don't even really think about it honestly, I just. . . always assume I'm right and should get my way. But the more I think about it, the more moronic I seem. Guh, I really wish I could just. . . stop, and start caring about other people more. It's what I'm always braggin about doing, maybe I should do what I preach.
P.S. Soccer was cancelled today for some random unknown reason. Semi-Finals start tommorow, and I'm getting worried. We scouted the other team practising, and they play soccer like a freakin ballet. They dance around eeeveryone. We think we've figured out a way to handle it, but I dunno. . . . Ah well, update later.
Turrah.
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| Rating Hard Chinese Pots |
[Wednesday,
May 31st, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Red Hot Chilli Peppers |
] |
I really wish I knew what to say more often then I actually do.
I always just feel like I'm saying random things that come to mind, and wonder how the heck that can be helpful.
P.S., my soccer team, Running with Scissots made it to the semi finals. We play the "Best team in the school", named Unbeatable Applesauce tommorow. Crapit I really want to win . . .
Good lord its midnight, and I have an entire essay to write tommorow.
G'night!
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| This may seem like a poor emo rant; |
[Sunday,
May 28th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mathew Good Band - Apparitions |
] |
And it probably just is. However, in my mind, it's a way of letting my mind be free, and explaining to people why I think I've been acting weird, and what to expect and what not.
And even with all of that, I'm probably completely wrong anyway.
I feel morose. If my understanding of the definition of that word is correct.
But I seem rather. . . devoid of life lately. I think. . . well, I think a lot of things. I've known for a long time that, as much as I like to say that I am completely independent and whatnot, I actually have most of my personality and li. . .
(I've been horribly irrational of late)
. . . fe based on the personality and action/inaction of those around me and whatnot. I've always wanted to be the someone in peoples lives who helps them through stuff, who is a strong influence in their lifes. However, it seems other people have more of an influence on me than anything. And just because I rely on other people doesn't mean I can expect them to rely back on me. Sometimes I just feel like I'm this moronic dog sitting there, wagging my tail, looking up with puppy eyes begging for other people to desperately rely on me the way I do them. And it's stupid I suppose, but its one of those things that. . . that I'll probably never get rid of. It has conditioned me to deal well with heartbreak, however I do still get my hopes up once in a while. I think that's another one of my problems, I get my hopes up so high, that when they come inevitably crashing down, I'm morbidly crushed.
I like to think I help people, but I really don't think I do. I've never been able to tell myself that I'm good at anything, because my low self esteem would never allow it. I'd like to think that I'm doing a good job at whatever the hell I do, but I'm just not really sure. It feels to me that I'm telling people the first random thing that comes to my mind, and whenever I think I might be doing something right, I go, like, crazy because then I remember the fact that I can't ever be right. And I've never been able to take people's complements before, because they've either seemed completely ridiculous, or I feel as if some way I kindof guilted them into saying something nice. Which is why I'm dreading the next while that I'm like this, because people are going to ask "what's wrong" and im going to be like "bla bla bla" and they're all going to be "oh, but you really do help bla bla bla" but. . . .if I actually did something helpful, it wouldn't take me guilting them into thanking me, to show that, would it? would it?
I just don't know.
This'll probably all blow over by tommorow.
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| Clamshell Calamity |
[Thursday,
May 25th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thankful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
A little of everything |
] |
I feel. . . youthful.
It's amazing, I think I've finally reached the feeling I've been searching for for so long. I think I finally have the feeling of. . . just living.
Today I got together with a bunch of the guys. We had a barbecue. Then watched X2, and had some of the most interesting conversations ever.
But it happened when we were driving home.
Some of the most interesting music came on.
Float On - Modest Mouse
Apparitions - Mathew Good Band
Forget It - Breaking Benjamin
And I don't know if they're just awesome songs, or that I've heard them before at awkward points in my life, but something hit me. What it was I'm not quite sure, but the feeling was interesting. Almost as if that was one of the best feelings I had or something. And we just sat there, listenin to the music, blazin down the roads at 80km an hour, with the windows all the way down.
I think I'll have to take this all in.
I'm rather perturbed.
|
|
| Paranormal Prostitutes |
[Sunday,
May 21st, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 creative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Default - Taking My Life Away |
] |
Gwah, I'm getting that weird feeling again today. The weird feeling where I feel like I don't exist or something, or I question the reason to existence. It usually signifies a large change in my future. Crapit.
I got creeped out at work today. I don't like long shifts, call me a baby or whatnot, but every so often when I'm stuck in that place for 9 hours, I just feel completely abandoned. Not cool.
I think these two events come together to help strengthen my choice to start pursuing the possibility of a future in entertainment. As a director or something. Eh, I dunno, It's a possibility.
I also think I did something to my foot during soccer. Whenever I walk a bit off, or move my foot around, I get weird lancing pains through random areas. So either I pulled a kajillion small muscles, or somehow killed the circulation. Wonderful. But I like running <(-_-')>
Ah well.
I'm happy.
|
|
| Seismic waves of negative proportions |
[Sunday,
May 14th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
indifferent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
E.S. Posthumus - Nara |
] |
It's been too long to relate every bloody thing that happens.
But the thing is.
I think I'm fine now.
I can start helping people again, instead of bumming off of them.
W00t.
|
|
| Back-read Exageration |
[Tuesday,
April 25th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
rejected |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Three Days Grace - The Animal I Have Become |
] |
Blarg.
Maybe I had a bad day.
Maybe my headache is interfering with incoherent thought.
Maybe I wish I was part of something worth while.
Maybe I don't like being replaced. By inanimate objects or not.
I've always been an attention hogging fool, desperately thriving for it.
But is that what I'm doing now?
I can't quite be sure.
I just don't know <(-_-')>
I just recently realized that I've never really told anyone the truth behind my problems before, seriously, I've always just. . . made up crap. Like, they ask once every blue moon, and by the time I'm actually ready to tell them, they don't care anymore, and run off. My fault? Probably. Other than that, the few times I'm out of the blue randomly willing and wanting to talk to someone, they just. . .. don't care, and go off and do other things. I don't know. Timing doesn't seem to be my strong point. It seems when I need people the most, it's when they're least obliging to be there. I hate feeling unimportant. Or ignored. Or maybe I'm just selfish.
I feel as if I'm completely overreacting.
But deep down I know that isn't completely true.
I feel as if I'm a selfish jerk.
But deep down I'm pretty sure I'm not.
I feel as if I'm just being dramatic.
But deep down I know there's some base to this.
I feel as if I'm truly worth nothing, and people are just realizing it.
I'm pretty sure that's true.
Peace-freaking-out.
|
|
| Grit in your Grime |
[Sunday,
April 23rd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
creative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
A Perfect Circle - Imagine |
] |
You know? I had a large rant prepared about the latest stupid thing my parents did last night.
Except now I seem to have a slight sliver of hope. My mom seems willing to stop being stupid. My dad could still break everything down though. . . .I have to work on that.
So yeah, I've decided to focus my life more on being with other people now, my parents problems shouldn't be any concern of anyones, including mine. They'll wise up eventually.
I'm in a moderately good mood (considering the fact I should be out somewhere else right now, which is rather aggravating, I'm quite proud of myself).
Life is lookin up.
I think.
Physics unit test on Tuesday <(-_-')>
I send love out to you all.
|
|
| Emotion. The Key Ingredient to Disaster. Followed Closely by Humanity. |
[Thursday,
April 20th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Arctic Monkeys - From The Ritz To The Rubble |
] |
I can't take arguing with my parents anymore.It's gotten to the point where arguing is inevitable. I'd be okay with this, if the arguing actually got somewhere. However, it doesn't help that whenever I make a point, or say anything, my father repeatedly says "ya, right, whatever" and my mom goes "NO YOU'RE WRONG *stamp away*"
Here's an example:
Dad: YOU CANT GO ON THE COMPUTER TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK, YOU HAVE TO VACUUM THE HALL AND CLEAN UP THE TABLE!
Me: I already have. . .
Dad: YEAH, RIGHT, WHATEVER YOU SAY, YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A LIER.
Me: The table is right freaking in front of you! Just look at it!
Dad: HA, YEAH RIGHT, JUST TO SEE HOW BIG OF A FAILURE YOU ARE? YEAH RIGHT. YOU CANT USE THE COMPUTER.
Me: Mom, can you PLEASE explain to dad that I need the computer?
Mom: Well, what did your dad say?
Me: Well, he said I couldn't go on till I've done what I've already done. . . And When I tell him I've done it, he refuses to look. Can you make him see that I'm right?
Mom: No, I can't, because you're obviously wrong. Stop lieing. *stamps off*
Note: Neither of them actually looked at the table. It's crystal clean. Along with the floor.
I can't live like this. If I could talk intellectually with them even, I wouldn't mind, but they just seem like. . . .is simpletons too strong of a word? I don't know. It's like talking to the stupidest people on earth, because I keep telling them and pointing out how they're wrong, and they don't even aknowledge it. My 8 year old sister is more mature.
I could fill pages with the constant stupidity I have to put up with. But I won't. It'd hurt too much to recall it all. Besides, I'm trying to be positive, neh?
Peace out M8s.
|
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| My creativity was drained in English today. Don't mind the bland subject.(As if you notice anyway) |
[Wednesday,
April 19th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Arctic Monkeys - Mardy Bum |
] |
During the middle of my English Exam, I managed to draw a parallel to what I was writing, and my life. See, I've finally realized why I keep screwing up and doing stupid things. See, I actually know what to do and what not to do, to avoid screwing up. But, in that knowledge, I get this crazy. . . I don't know, no matter how much I know, I always end up doing what I know is wrong, because this crazy. . . feeling causes me to do nothing else. It's like I can't fight it. Except, and I'm not sure about this, but the more I feel needed, the less I get it? (Like I said, I'm still wondering about that one). But I guess I just need to feel wanted? (Who knew this whole lack of self confidence would actually hit me this hard) Eh, I dunno what I want in life. I do however know who.
This is your friendly neighborhood nutter signing out!
Broszer
|
|
| Salisbury Stork |
[Monday,
April 17th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Cake - Frank Sinatra |
] |
I've been disappointing a lot of people lately. They make sure to say so. I always feel like I've been disappointing a few more people, even though they don't say so, I. . . feel like I have somehow. And I worry more about the people that don't seem to mind that the people who do. Am I a bad person? I just gotta stop messin stuff up.
I probably won't be on in a while, my parents have brutally grounded for not sitting with them on sunday at church. They picked a spot with 4 seats. There's five people in our family. There was no way I could sit with them. They don't care. Ah well, more guitar time?
On the plus, I think I've finally managed to convince them to GIVE ME MY OWN FREAKING ROOM. I hope. Freedom, here I come.
To all those that I've failed recently: I apologize. To all those I will inevitably fail in the future: I apologize in advance. And to all those I haven't yet failed: Hang in there. It's comin.
Turrah!
|
|
| The parents say outrage; The children say injustice; Both are wrong; It's life. |
[Tuesday,
April 11th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Finger Eleven - Other Light |
] |
I have plans for tomorrow night.
Very important plans.
My parents seem to think I can't.
Apparently I'm not aloud to go out on school nights because I don't get straight A's.
I do get straight A's.
I have paper proof that I've shown to them, that I get straight A's.
They ignore that fact.
They refuse to let me go out, saying that I should just stop the fight by admitting they're right, and respecting them.
I don't know about them, but I kindof like to believe in a thing called honesty.
Nothing is stopping me from going out tomorrow night.
Huston, I have a backbone.
|
|
| Crushed by the Black Hole known as Emotion |
[Tuesday,
April 11th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
distressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lostprophets - Burn Burn |
] |
I apologise for the previous rantage.
Lately I've been having massive rageful outbursts.
No idea why. I'm supposed to be a pacifist.
I feel as if I'm exploding over such big things.
But I know they're really nothing.
I think it's safe to say I'm a nutter.
|
|
| Pain & Rage; Ground up, Manufactured, and Turned into sugar; For others to enjoy. |
[Sunday,
April 9th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Staind - Waste |
] |
I feel lonely as shit.
I have no idea why. (I also don't know why I've decided to use profanity. . . meh)
I don't know why I should be feeling lonely, I have no real reason to be.
But, see, for some reason, I'm dieing inside.
Today made me sad.
Yesterday, in one of our lessons, we had this crazy guy tell us we want to spend time with people who will helps us through all the loops and turns in life. He used hot wheels on a track to explain this.
Am I expecting too much?
Or am I reacting to too little.
I did kind of say that I was fine. . . .
Though, might I add, that when I say "I don't know" it usually means "you're right"
Cause I'm too cocky to admit it.
Maybe I just push people away when I need them most?
Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
And tomorrow, I'll wake up and be fine.
If not, then I'm one screwd up kid.
It might've just been today. I knew there was going to be homework.
I feel empty.
Maybe I just need to start being soapathetic. Or at least think that way. I don't know how though.
I wish I could talk to people and tell them how I feel.
But lately I feel a bit like I'm being shunted off onto the back burner. . . a lot.
My oven doesn't have back burners.
Then again, I can't expect people to be like me.
I'm such a jerk. I don't know why.
Today must be a bad day, that's all.
There goes my positive thinking idea.
Damnit.
|
|
| I am heaven sent; Don't you dare forget |
[Saturday,
April 8th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
peaceful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Brand New - Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't |
] |
Well, I just got back from le Priest Laurel Church conference thing in Don Mills. And, as usual, I feel . . . changed. Un-like as usual, I feel I must stay this way. I've been acting idiotic a large part of my life (for the record this isn't negativity ^^ ) and I'm ready to stop being that way. I won't let myself mess up. Remember the arrow.
|
|
| Dissension is A Braw |
[Tuesday,
April 4th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Cake - Survive |
] |
You know? I've decided I have far too many reason to be happy, to let the few reasons I have to be sad rule over me. I'm gonna be happy from now on.
So if I ever start nega-ranting, you have to tell me to stop. Or brutally murder me, whichever you prefer.
|
|
| Ruled by the people, of the people, for themselves. |
[Monday,
April 3rd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Poets of the Fall - Late Goodbye |
] |
Iiiiiii have a serious case of the Mondays.
I wake up, and feel like crap.
I realise none of my english homework is done.
I plan on finishing it in computer engineering.
I enter computer engineering, and the teacher says we have to go to the library. For the whole class. For some STUPID LIBRARY PRESENTATION AS USUAL THAT DOESN'T HELP US AT ALL.
So, my english teacher doesn't give me an extension like she normally would, because she's feeling sick and grumpy.
So I had an hour to write 3000 words. I got 1500 done.
Its worth 10% of my mark.
Brilliant.
On top of that, the one time I decide to get involved in my school activities and want to go to some play thing they're having, it turns out they're bloody sold out. Five minutes ago. Because I was too busy in the Library being told crap.
And no matter how hard I try, and say I'll stop, I can't help but getting into these dark moods.
And thee sad bit is, I can't handle it myself anymore. I USED to. Except now I've become completely reliant on people. Person. Whatever.
I'm gonna end up nowhere in life, I can just sense it <(-_-')>
|
|
| Oooooh Fun. XD |
[Wednesday,
February 15th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Natural Anthem" - The Postal Service |
] |
Guess who.
I'll give you three tries.
Here's a hint, I'm not a toaster.
And I have one word for you: NOMENCLATURE!
k, I'm out. X3
|
|
|
[Wednesday,
February 8th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
24/7 Techno |
] |
Yeah, I really haven't updated in a while. Probably because, for the past however long of sitting back and reading, I've managed to make three stereotypical conclusions about people on Livejournal.
Either:
A) You don't post when you're happy. Ever. That is if you are EVER happy. You're layout is a dank cavern of musk and pain, as is probably your general feeling towards humans in general. Or just members of the opposite sex. Or same sex. Whicheeeever you prefer. You either get loads of replies telling you that everything will be okay, and that life will be grand, or you get no replies, as people have NO FREAKING IDEA HOW TO RESPOND. If your parents were to ever somehow read it, you'd probably find yourself in a mental institution in 10 minutes flat. Or maybe even five, it depends on your internet connection.
B) You treat livejournal like a. . . . well. . . . journal that is live, if you will. At least once a week, you will sign on, and spend a good few hours typing up everything you've done since your last post. EVERYTHING. As in, who you spent your time with, what marks you got in school so far, how the significant other is doing, what time you woke up every morning, what type of soap you used in the shower, what flavor of toothpaste you used, and possibly and additional paragraph explaining why this isn't your favorite flavor, so you need to go out and buy more toothpaste. Your posts general take between an hour to an hour and a half to get through . . . each. The replies you general get are from the people that were there when all of these things happened. Hence the large amount of inside jokes buried into your well-thought-out post, that half the people on your friends list reply to with something like: "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS OHMYGOSH THAT WAS SO AWWWWWWWESOME" and the other half: ". . . . . fwuaaaaaaah?!?!?". If your parents read your livejournal, they'd probably convince you to get a job as a history teacher or something.
C) You post funny things. That's about it. Every joke you find/hear, every picture that is even the slightest bit amusing, BAM, strait onto eljay. Your photobucket account is teeming with pictures in multiple different posts. You can also be refered to as the "quizzest". As in you go searching around online, taking EVERY quiz possible, then posting the results onto your Livejournal. If your parents ever saw your Livejournal, they'd probably throw your computer out the window, and tell you to get a life.
Okay, so now that that is done, I shall explain why I don't post as much. First of all, my general nature seems to completely dislike a "C" class person. I doubt anybody would find my sense of humour funny in the least, as maja is repeatedly telling me that I'm turning into my father. And he's not funny. Ever. On top of that, seeing as I don't get out that much, if I were to post like a "B" class person, all of my posts would look like this: "I got home from school, and went on starcraft, and owned some nubs." Except for the few times that I DO manage to go out, (Only once a week mind you!), in which case if I were to post anything, it would seriously not fall under an "A" class person. Cause, really, I'm definitely way too happy when I'm out with people. Because, heck, I'm not at my house, cause my parents suck. Really, they do. (They were being stupid at church last night. . . they're also the ones who make sure I can only go out once a week). And I guess because of that, we can call this an "A" class post. I'm not ready however to change my layout into a dank cavern of musk and pain, as I like mine just the way it is thankyou XD.
P.s. I ask that none of you get offended by this post. Basically, it was just my way of calming down, and ranting on and on. I think I got a little bit carried away . . . oh well.
|
|
| I'm Back! |
[Sunday,
March 20th, 2005] |
|
Well, I've decided that maybe I could manage to muster the time for Livejournal, and I'm going to start posting again! (not that this should really concern any of you, but meh) Aaahh, welcome back ElJay =D
|
|
|
[Friday,
December 31st, 2004] |
This is my life
its not what it was before,
all these feelings i have shared,
these are my dreams
that id never lived before
somebody shake me cause i,
i must be sleeping
|
|
| Welcome, my dear friends. |
[Friday,
November 12th, 2004] |
Well, it's been recently realized by a Dear Friend that, for anybody to read my stuff, without the whole "Stalker" problem arising, that I might wanna post a public post, telling everyone who ever randomly stumbles across me, that they can add me as a friend, bla bla bla, so on so forth. Undoubtedly, most of you will most likely realize how much of a raving dingbat I am, and never talk to me again, hahaha. Have Fun With That.
This is the way I pray.
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broszer's journal